I’m not angry, just tired.

Someone asked me how I am doing, and my response was tired.
Tired of my going three steps forward and five steps back.
Tired of the emotional rollercoaster I often find myself in.
Tired of feeling in limbo – somewhere stuck between start and actual progression.
Tired of feeling misunderstood and unheard.
Tired of struggling with anxiety.
Tired of having to take meds.
Tired of me holding myself back.
Tired of self-sabotaging.
Tired of the negative thoughts that speak so loud in my ear.
Tired of Covid-19.
Tired of the onslaught of death and dying happening in our country.
Tired of black and brown lives being hunted like a sport.
Tired of liars and their lies.
Tired of having to watch my tone in settings as to not be portrayed as an angry black woman.
No, I’m not mad, I’m just tired.

Anybody else ever feel this way? I know you have. I’m preaching to the choir.

I am encouraging myself today. Reminding myself to draw from the reservoir of peace and strength that is a gift from God. I am reminding myself that I am here on purpose for purpose. I am reminding myself that my life and my voice matters. I am reminding myself that I have a bright future. No matter what I feel now, I know things will get better.

I know there will be a time when I don’t look at life through the lens of trauma, negativity, and lack of trust in others. I know there are those who love me and want to see me live and be everything I am to be.

So, I persevere.

I pray that as you read this, you took these words to heart and encouraged yourself as well.
You are worth it.
It will get better.
You have purpose.
Your life matters.
Your sanity matters.
Your peace matters.
Your joy matters.