Hello Overcomers! I have a few more Hall of Famers, but I wanted to throw this in the ring.
The more I walk this mental health journey, I become more and more aware of the importance of relationships. Relationships are work. In relationships there is give and take and depending on the season, one may be giving more than taking. It takes true friends to tough out those seasons with you.
I find myself wanting to withdraw when I feel like I’ve shared too much or spend a lot of time worrying if I am “too much” or, if this was the day when my friends decide, “okay, I’m done.” I find myself thinking I need to give them a break from me. They constantly prove me wrong.
Being in a healthy relationship feels foreign when you’ve become accustomed to dysfunction – even if the dysfunction is in your head. I’m learning to take off the track shoes and will myself to stay put. I have to remind myself to stay put and allow my friendships to flourish, to accept the help when needed as well as reciprocate when the opportunity arises.
I make an intentional effort to say thank you to those who “stay in the struggle” with me. My friends listen to my rants, reel me in when I’m overthinking, making negative statements about myself, filled with anxiety, and making decisions that are not conducive to my purpose. They point me back to God when I’m out in left field and remind me that I can “cast my cares on Him” (I Peter 5:7).
I had such big plans for the start of 2020. However, I found myself going down the slippery slope of depression and anxiety in slow motion. It was happening so smoothly, I didn’t realize it was happening. Many changes were happening at one time. I started grad school, for starters, as well as a couple other adjustments I hadn’t prepared for. I had a couple of conversations in which I allowed to shake my faith in myself and my purpose. I had subconsciously decided I was done. I didn’t have the energy for anything. Getting out of bed became what felt like impossible – thank God for the right friends.
Dr. Thema, in her “Homecoming Podcast,” says: Internal oppression is believing the lies I’ve been told about myself and, the ways I have been treated is not a reflection of my worth.
The lesson this time? Change the way I speak to me. Adjust how I see myself. It was a clutching my pearls moment because I’ve done so much work! #sigh You ever thought you were looking pretty good until someone who really loves you shows you a mirror and points out you have lipstick on your teeth? 😱 I hear you. There are some things that will not change until I do. In order to make a change, I must change what I believe. I get to decide what’s true of me and what’s not. Every piece of constructive criticism is not an affront to me as a person. I don’t have to accept every negative word spoken to me. Again, I’m learning.
Welcome to 2020, family. Lesson one, two and three is in the books for 2020. One documented failure on deck. However, this documented failure caused me to make some necessary adjustments to the overall plan which I call a win. Isn’t this the ebb and flow of life, though?
I am thankful for friends who love me. I am thankful for friends who will tell me the truth. I am thankful for friends who deal with my imagination, questions, and quirkiness. I am still learning. Learning to embrace who I am. Learning to love the girl who shows up in the mirror, flaws and all. I am learning to embrace that, although improvements will always be needed, I am fabulous and valuable because I’m me. You are fabulous and valuable because you’re YOU!
Dear God, as long as you’re with me. I can overcome anything. Thank you for sending friends to help me along this journey. Amen.
“My motto for 2020 is Talitha Cumi which means “little girl, get up” or “daughter arise.” 2020 is my year to arise.” -Ms. Tasha Marie
Born and raised in El Dorado, Arkansas, Tasha Marie currently resides in Atlanta, GA. Tasha is a fashionista, a blogger, and an upcoming author and speaker. When I first read her blog, I remember thinking, this woman is the truth! The healing and transparency that exudes each post will have you waving your hand in the air like you just don’t care. Get your healing sister!
The time has gone where we are ashamed of our stories and ashamed of our struggle. Shame grows in silence. You may not start a blog, but whatever you need to do to heal, make that happen. Uh oh! I got caught up. Oops.
There are so many things I could say about Tasha Marie. She is kind, she is beautiful, and she loves fiercely. It’s important to know that when a person decides to come from behind a perfectly erected wall that was built for their personal security, it was an intentional act of God. It was also an act of sheer determination and perseverance on behalf of said person.
I have to say, talking with Tasha Marie her voice sounds sure, confident, and peaceful. Her sound conveys hope. The sound of her voice says, “the angels are singing over me and I don’t look or sound like what I’ve been through.” Her voice sounds like a reminder God is with you.
Have you ever spoken to someone, and more than what they were saying, they had a “sound” that could convey peace and calm to your heart? Just me? Okay. As a person who deals with anxiety, sound is important. Shout out to the people whose voices are a soothing balm to anxious souls.
Okay, okay…I’m getting into the interview. Are you ready? I present to some and introduce to others, Ms. Tasha Marie:
Me: Tell me about you?
Tasha Marie: I have been in Atlanta for over two years. It’s been an uncomfortable and challenging experience, like living in hell. Not the whole time, but I’ve been confronted with things that caused me to grow up.
I moved here because I got married, which I no longer am. That transition has been very difficult. I am in the process of rediscovering and learning myself. I am learning to love me again. I am falling in love with God again – in a different way. We were “beefing” at one point. (Don’t act as if you and God have always been on the same page, or even the same book. Hello?)
I am very family-oriented. I love family. Moving here, I gave that up. I didn’t know anyone here other than my spouse. It has been interesting to see how I grow and change being away from my family. I am learning to allow other people in my life and be like a family for me. It’s been an adventure, but it’s been hard.
I love fashion. This is funny because I use to be a tomboy. However, I still enjoy wearing basketball shorts, wife beaters and Chuck Taylor’s.
I love to travel and make new memories. I love to shop, hence the fashion blog. I’m a good person when you get to know me. I am a little rough around the edges. As an introvert, I realize that sometimes my demeanor can appear unapproachable, but I have improved and continue to improve.
I love to see people in their element doing what they love and passionate about. It brings so much joy to me. Supporting and encouraging people is like second nature to me. I love to help people. I want to be for others what I needed someone to be for me.
I’m becoming more into myself. Becoming more of who I am and who God called has called me to be. I have discovered many new things about myself. It has been interesting. I am growing and coming out of my shell more, discovering who I am, and the beauty of me.
Me: Tell me about your character? What makes you happy?
Tasha Marie: I am trustworthy. Being able to write and travel makes me happy. I am rediscovering the things that make me happy. Movies make me happy. Being able to finally find a community where I can be myself and talk freely without restrictions.
I am dependable. I am there for people – I want to be there for people the way I needed people to be there for me. That is important to me. I love to encourage and affirm people. (Tasha does this quite well. And will “snatch your edges” if you have any. 😏)
I take joy in seeing people in their element and doing the things they love. Knowing where they started and see where they ended.
I love music and dancing. I enjoy singing (mostly when I’m home alone…Lol). Most people don’t know I can sing. I enjoy writing and poetry.
Me: What does overcomer mean to you?
Tasha Marie: Ability to be triumphant. To prevail through adversity and what life throws at you. You fought. You overpowered what was trying to overpower you. Even in the moments when you felt like giving up, you persevere through it. You pushed yourself when you were afraid or seemed you wouldn’t make it through. Whatever life threw at you, you fought and were victorious in the end.
Me: What have you overcome?
Tasha Marie: Depression and suicidal thoughts, being sexually abused when I was younger, surviving cervical cancer, low self-esteem and self-worth, and most recently, my divorce. These are things that took a lot of work for me to overcome.
Me: Tell me about that work?
Tasha Marie: I knew God. I grew up in the church. I was very aware of God. When I went to college I wasn’t in church much. Some of the things I battled and went through, I realize it was God who loved me and protected me. He was there for me and protected me from myself. I was a mess!!
I battled with low self-value and self-worth because of things that happened in my past. My father was not a part of my life, and I did not feel loved and appreciated. I looked for it in various ways. I had to fight for years to come out of depression.
I had to learn to love myself. The things I didn’t like about myself, I had to tell myself, “Tasha, you’re beautiful.” I didn’t love my gap, and I had to remind myself I am beautiful and to tell myself that I love those things. It was hard because I didn’t know how to articulate those feelings.
I wrote a lot. I started reprogramming how I saw myself. I began to build my confidence in myself. I used to be a tomboy, so I began to take care of myself. I started dressing up and getting into fashion. I hated my body, so I used to cover myself up a lot.
With my divorce, I had to sit in my truth. I had to own my mistakes. I had to own that I was a rude person back in the day. I had to own that I had been really mean and I didn’t like the way I made people feel sometimes. I was hard on myself and critical. I had to start owning those truths about myself. I had to learn to work on those things to be better so people wouldn’t view me that way.
I had to learn to be vulnerable. I thought vulnerability was a weakness. I had to learn to be vulnerable with God because we haven’t always seen eye to eye. I would ask him, “If you love me, why did you allow this to happen? Why didn’t you protect me? Why…”
I always struggled with seeing God as Father because of my natural father. It wasn’t easy to love him because I felt like He didn’t love me because of the things that transpired in my life.
When I hear people talk about Abba father, I would think, I don’t know how to be a daughter because my natural father wasn’t a part of my life. How do I be a daughter or allow someone to be a father to me when I don’t know what a father looks like or what they’re supposed to do? I’ve heard of what they’re supposed to do, but never seen or felt it. How do I receive that when I am supposed to be looking at God as Father? I struggled with seeing these things.
In the midst of my struggle, God has still shown me grace. He did not abandon me in the moments when I thought He did. It’s still hard, but I’ve been re-repairing my relationship with God. Learning all of who He is has helped me to overcome many things.
I have had to do my work. I had to own my truth, I had to sit in it. I asked myself, “What are you going to do to correct that?” I had to learn to trust people again. I had to learn to love people, allow them into my space. This was difficult because I never felt safe with people getting close to me.
It’s uncomfortable work, but it’s worth it. I had to go back to those uncomfortable spaces of traumatic events, reliving the events of sexual abuse, spaces where I was hurting because the little girl in me needed to be healed. The little girl in me is the one who doesn’t feel safe. (Take a deep breath, let that marinate.)
I had to go back to those places and allow myself to grieve. The failed relationships, friendships, and the things which I tried and failed. I hadn’t allowed myself to grieve and properly assess how they affected me. The journey has been tumultuous, but I know at the end of it there is beauty. The work that I am doing now will be beautiful in the end.
Me: Tell me about your blog?
Tasha Marie: I enjoy writing; it’s how I express myself. I always felt like I didn’t have a voice. It’s something I struggle with today. Thinking if people would want to hear what I have to say. I have a story and do people need to hear my story? I still struggle with that. However, because of the things I have experienced, I can’t be silent anymore.
In 2018, I started my blog. One day I told myself that if I didn’t start it, I knew I would never do it. So, on Thanksgiving 2018, I published my first blog. I needed an outlet to be able to talk about the things I have experienced. Although I am a very transparent person, it has been difficult to share my truth. It has been helping others heal and it has helped me in my healing process as well.
It allows me a platform to tell my testimony. We overcome by the blood of the lamb and the words of our testimony (Revelation 12:11). Blogging a way for me to put my testimony out there. It is a way for people to know they are not alone with the things they struggle with. Sometimes I feel like I share too much, but then I get messages thanking me for being transparent.
I write about my life experiences that I have overcome. I have a blog called I Survived It. I write about the things I’ve learned during my process or my journey since moving to Atlanta because it’s been very interesting.
It is also an outlet to remind myself that I do have a voice. I am learning to remove the muzzle from my mouth. I am learning to be more open and transparent about sensitive subjects. Furthermore, it’s a way for me to remind myself I am not invisible. I have a voice. I am healing in the process of my journey.
Me: Will we get a book from you in the future?
Tasha Marie: Yes. I have been contemplating writing a book for a while. I have a title. I have written an outline for it, but I haven’t written it out. Some of the blogs I write, I could incorporate in the book. I have to remind myself it needs to be written because sometimes I disqualify myself. I have to believe in myself that what I have to say is worth saying. Prayerfully, I will release it in 2020. No, I will not give you a deadline, because you will hold me to it. (You see how she talks to me? Tuh! 😂)
When I meet people, I tell them that when they meet me, they meet growth. They have no idea the journey I have been on to get to this point. Even talking to people is growth for me. The most many would get out of me is, “Hey.” If you don’t ask a question, I am not supplying information. (Y’all! She sounds just like me! My Atlanta people don’t know this side of me, but where my Texas people at? They know. Glory to His name!)
Moving here was uncomfortable for me, especially not knowing anyone other than my husband at the time. He is an extrovert, so it was an adjustment. For me, it felt like an invasion of space. Though uncomfortable, it was necessary. You get a lot of revelation after the fact. Marriage will bring out things in you that you didn’t know existed. It also exposes things you were aware of that you need to improve or learn at the moment you have to work on.
This move was both good and bad. God worked on me both inward and outward. He exposed many things I needed to work on. He reveals things to heal them. I used to say, “God examine my heart.” You have to be careful what you ask for because if you’re not ready to face it, you’ll find yourself in an awkward place. The people around you don’t understand what is going on, but I didn’t understand it either.
This journey, although it has been very hard, has caused me to grow up spiritually and mentally. I am self-aware, due to the things I’ve endured over the past two years. Some things I was aware of and ran from it. Some things I wasn’t aware of and had to face. He took away all of my comfort zones – I’ve been uncomfortable for two years. Even though I’m uncomfortable, I am settled because the uncomfortable feeling is not as unbearable as it was in the beginning. It’s a journey.
I am smiling more now.
Me: Where do you see yourself in 2020?
Tasha Marie: I’m working on a lot of things. Some of my dreams have been resurrected. My hope is alive again. My creativity is flourishing. There will be journals. My website will be up. I am working on a book. I love photography so I will be more active in that, not for business, but for the joy of it.
I will be more one with myself than I have ever been, I will be the best version of myself as I walk into who I am meant to be. You will see her almost at her full capacity. I am nervous to meet her, because of all that comes with it. I see myself speaking – there will be speaking engagements. There will be entrepreneurial endeavors. My blog will flourish. I will do more fashion and assisting people with fashion from a stylist perspective.
2020 will be a big year regarding Tasha Marie, the brand. (Yes! You have to declare your own destiny!)
The people God has set to staff my life will prayerfully be in place. A solid community.
My motto for 2020 is Talitha Cumi which means “little girl, get up” or “daughter arise.” 2020 is my year to arise. I will gain beauty for ashes. I will gain my wings. (Did you feel that resonate in your heart? Grab that for yourself. Daughter, son, ARISE!)
I am about the liberation of myself and others from self-imposed prisons. Broderick McBride
Broderick L. McBride is a thought leader and master communicator. He fully embraces the notion that mental health and spiritually go hand in hand; an idea that is deeply engrafted in his teaching and counseling style. Quickly rising as an influential voice in various sectors and communities, McBride travels locally and nationally as a lecturer, public theologian, and mission-based activist.
Merging his faith praxis and interest for social justice, he has become well known for his meaningful contributions to conversations that aid in the reforming of cultures. His academic repertoire includes a Bachelor of Arts in Psychology from the prestigious Morehouse College and a Masters of Divinity from Candler School of Theology at Emory University.
The Osceola, Arkansas native currently works as the Executive Director of Pastoral Care and Counseling Services at All Nations Worship Assembly – Atlanta. He is slated to release a variety of tools and publications centered on his most notable lectures and research.
Okay, that’s the smart biography. Let me tell you about Broderick McBride. He’s loving, kind, and by far my favorite nephew! Now don’t tell my other nephews I said that, but he is. He’s honest and full of wisdom and integrity.
Broderick is a worldwide preacher, Pastor, and intercessor. All I’m saying is, a sixty-second conversation will fix your life! Iyanla who? If I were a person who believed in reincarnation, I would say that in his former life, Broderick was on the playground with Jesus. Better yet, he may have been one of the disciples…the militant one. Too much? Oh well.
As I spoke to McBride, I saw a mental picture of Mickey Goldmill, Rocky’s trainer. You know who he is right? Good. This is the person of Broderick McBride. He’s strong and wise enough to lead, while at the same time being bold and confident enough to get behind someone and cheer them forward. He’s a trainer both spiritually and naturally. He won’t quit, and he won’t allow you to quit. He encourages us to fight. He encourages us to hope and to believe God for the better. He encourages us to be better.
I have to admit, I am a bit biased about this one. He has definitely played the role of a trainer in my life during my struggles with anxiety, depression, and cutting. But I digress, this ain’t about me. Broderick has been one of the people who have literally and figuratively snatched me back to saneness.
Let’s get to the interview.
Me: Tell me about Broderick.
Broderick: I am resilient, self-aware, and an empath, which means I am emotionally aware of others. Being empathic actually helps with my career and calling.
I am a militant and rebel. I am about the liberation of myself and others from self-imposed prisons. I am militant about my own transformation.
I understand that who Broderick is today will be a totally different Broderick for the better this time next month, next year and so on. I say that because I understand I don’t know everything and as the world continues to turn, not only will I mature in age, I will mature in preference, desires, and what I need.
I believe that what I need now, as a thirty-one-year-old will be completely obsolete when I’m thirty-three. And will change as I grow older. Yes, I am committed to my own personal growth and change. It’s painful as hell sometimes. Life has taught me that pain is worth it. (Yes, you may quote me.)
Me: What does being an overcomer mean to you, and what have you overcome?
Broderick: An overcomer is someone who has endured; they have established a level gain or accomplishment. To prevail against direct opposition. Direct opposition against their destiny, against who they are internally; direct opposition against their own personal growth and healing.
An overcomer is one who has championed the cause against adversity.
It doesn’t mean that you won’t have bumps and bruises. It means that you push through the pain. You push through the strength of the opposition and you push even when telling yourself stop, it’s not worth it. And say, “no, this is what I want. This is the end goal.”
An overcomer one who is tenacious and has the audacity to say, “I am not giving up until I get what I want.” “I am not giving up what has been promised over my life.”
I’ve overcome many things. Some to which I’m not aware of. I have overcome death, survivor’s remorse suicidal thoughts. I have overcome, and am overcoming low self-esteem and low self-value and view.
I am aware this goes against me being a militant and my fight for freedom from self-imposed prisons but it’s true. There are moments I live in a dichotomy within myself. As much as I fight for my liberation and receiving the liberation that has been given to me by the spirit of Christ, there are still areas within me that are still committed, to an extent, to stay bound. (Wait, because sometimes being bound can feel safe compared to the alternative. Crazy, right?) I have to consistently come back to the mirror, have an interview with me, and remind myself that I will not stay in this space. There’s too much at stake.
When I say I’ve overcome death, I mean I’ve always had to fight. From birth up to now. Had my mom knew she was pregnant, there’s a possibility I could have been aborted because she didn’t want another child. When she finally found out she was pregnant with me, she was too far along to do anything about it. They wouldn’t accept her for an abortion. She was pregnant and still having a cycle. In this, I know God kept me covered in the womb.
As a newborn, I had to have major surgery to which they told my mom there was a slim chance of my survival. I went from surgery as an infant, to being abused by a family friend before I became a toddler. An act that ultimately led to the death of my brother, leaving me to be raised as an only child. I wrestled with, “God, why did you take my brother and not me?”
Survivor’s remorse also from coming out of the delta in Arkansas where the average family lives below the poverty line, and move to Atlanta with nothing to my name. All I had was my faith. Not the faith of my parents, my faith. I knew there was something in this city I wanted. It’s something I’m called to and I’m pursuing it by any means necessary.
Sticking my feet down in the ground and not letting up even in the way that I pray. Many admire what I do in intercession. They say, “Mac, you pray so hard. You’re six-foot, but whenever you engage in intercession it’s as if you’re nine feet tall or invincible.”
The way I approach intercession is the way I approach anything I desire in life. No doesn’t stop me; it can be overturned. In my history with God, what I’ve seen God do with me, in me, and for me, gives me the energy to still stand in the midst of adversity and refuse to accept anything that doesn’t represent God’s truth for me.
I body slam adversity. I mean, I put it in a full nelson until it surrenders to me.
Me: That tenacity and resilience, is it something that’s grown over time or something you had to work at?
Broderick: Fight is embedded in my DNA. I come from a family of fighters. My dad is a fighter, fighter naturally. And as far as know, he’s never lost a battle, praise God. My mom is a fighter as well, but she is a fighter with her words and actions. When I look at the history of my family, my ancestors were fighters.
I come from entrepreneurs. My great grandfather, an entrepreneur, was one of the first black men in the state of Arkansas to owned a T Model Ford truck when they were first invented. He was a blacksmith.
To be a black man in the rural south with your own business, in lieu of Klan territory was something powerful. This same grandfather killed a klansman with his bare hands because he refused to pay him.
When I look at my history, fighting is in my blood. It’s all I know to do. Over time, however, I had to learn what to fight for. Just because you are a fighter doesn’t mean you are a healthy fighter. You can be a toxic fighter, like a man beating up on women or fighting to keep people oppressed – that’s not me, fam. Not at all.
I have a strong heart for the underdog on any level. I hate to see people misused, abused and bullied. I hate to see that. My parents had to “straighten me up” as a kid, in order to redirect it. If they had not, the fighter in me would have become very destructive. Had my mom not introduced me to Christ at an early age, the fighter in me would have been a destroyer.
It’s interesting that when hell realizes it can’t destroy you personally, it will attempt to use what’s in you to destroy you. It will attempt to gain access to what’s in you to cause you to self-destruct or self-implode and utterly destroy yourself. (Read that again. Selah.)
My mom saw the fighter in me at a very early age and redirected it. I was introduced to Christ, the power of community, and being surrounded by my elders shifted the fighter in me to where I wasn’t as physical per se, but I would fight with my words. I’ll fight you by my actions, I’ll fight you behind the scenes, especially if it’s something worth fighting for.
Me:There’s an ongoing discussion about introverts vs extroverts. How do you manage introversion as a Pastor? How do you manage self-care knowing that you are called to people, but you need time to recuperate and refresh?
Broderick: I’m going to tell you a story, and I hope the story explains how I do it. (Hold on children, this is about to get good.)
So, in the Bible, there was a brother who was paralyzed. I believe the text says he was paralyzed from birth. He has four friends who hear about Jesus in this small village. The scripture says, the Spirit of the Lord was present to heal. I had never read that in any text whenever Jesus worked miracles (Luke 5:17). For this particular miracle, the scripture points out “the spirit of the Lord was there to heal.”
Jesus was inside of this house teaching and it was impossible for them to get their friend inside to Jesus. They take it upon themselves to climb on top of the edifice and they tear the roof off. They lower their friend down in front of Jesus and Jesus heals their friend because of their faith.
What blesses me the most about this story. (Wait! There’s more?! Ssshhh, pay attention! Okay.) The text doesn’t imply they had any tools. It doesn’t imply they had a ladder it doesn’t imply they had rope it doesn’t even imply they had architectural skills on how to detach a roof and ensure the building doesn’t collapse or fall in on the people. What it does imply is they had enough faith to inconvenience themselves in order to get their friend to Jesus.
In my role, I am committed to inconveniencing myself to get the people to Jesus. So what I am an introvert?
So what I am an introvert? (Wait, what? 😯) I know that my smile can be the instrument that leads someone to Jesus. I know that my hug can be the instrument that leads someone to Jesus. I know that me stepping outside of my comfort zone of being quiet and being able to walk up to a person and spark a conversation can be the instrument that leads someone to Jesus.
I’ve pushed myself in whatever environment I’m in because along with me having a heart for the underdog, I know what it feels like to be overlooked and mismanaged in the presence of other people. I never want it to be said that I mismanaged or devalued another human. Whenever I am in the presence of another person, I don’t care who they are, I want them to feel as if we are family, that we have known each other for a long time. I want them to feel that their differences don’t matter that I see them as human, worthy of respect. That’s it.
However, when you show me something different? Well… that’s another talk show. That’s when the introverted side of me kicks in, but I am always willing to inconvenience myself for somebody to know Jesus.
The way I manage the introverted side of me is by committing a lot of time to silence. I almost live in silence. If you were to come to my home, I don’t have a television on. I may be on my phone but I don’t watch tv. I read physical books. I have a kindle, but I don’t use it. (OMG!) Its something about picking up a book off the shelf and flipping through its pages, touching its pages, writing in the margins. (Has he been here before? My word!)
If I had a choice between music and TV, I pick music. It’s how I re-up myself. I drive in silence. I aggressively protect my off days. I will usually stay in, and it feels good to sit in silence and not do anything. Sometimes people misinterpret my silence as being standoffish or stuck up, but I’ve resolved that the way people interpret my silence is a personal problem that has nothing to do with me. That’s a battle they have to fight, not me. It took some time for me to come to that resolve. It took me about twenty-five of my thirty-one years of life to resolve that I don’t have to explain my silence. My silence is mine. This is a piece of my soul that I choose to be selfish with and I have the righteous choice to be selfish with that part of me because my silence is how I commune with the divine. It’s how I replenish the water to me. I take the responsibility of being revealed by other people off of them.
Me: Should we be expecting a book from you soon?
Broderick: I am committed to getting something out soon. (Keep your eyes and ears open, fam. Really)
Broderick is also the co-host of the popular podcast, The Let Outt, which has recently finished its second season. Run over to Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts to check out this show. It’s hilarious, serious, and educational along with a dose of “get your life together, fam.” They have hot topics, a segment called mirror, mirror, unpopular opinion, and tips for being a better intercessor. You can thank me later.
You know me, Nicole Sharon. My friend Margo asked me who was going to interview me for The Overcomer’s Hall of Fame. It would be weird to interview myself so I’ll answer the questions.
The Overcomer’s Hall of Fame is an idea that I’ve been pondering in my mind for a few years. I was reading Hebrews 11, which is known as the Hall of Faith and I wondered, “What if I did this in a modern way?” In October 2019, during a time when I felt my faith level diving especially low, I decided to jump out “in faith” and invite some people on this journey.
I have more “Hall of Famers” coming soon. Stay tuned.
On Being an Overcomer:
I look at everything in the face that tried to kill me and laugh – including the girl in the mirror. It’s not my first response, but it’s my final response. I made it through! Depression. Anxiety. Self-injury. Suicide. Ha!
Oh, I cried. A lot. I felt shame. I felt condemned. I felt angry. I felt defeated. Once I got through feeling all that, I recognized God’s strength is available to me. I realized I don’t have to lean on my strength at all. I also realized He puts community around me who really love me. It’s been hard for me to fully receive it, but I’m learning.
What have I overcome?
I’ve been writing this blog since April 2018, and I want to tell you something. This overcoming is one day at a time. Sometimes one hour, one minute, one second…
There’s always something. There’s always an irrational thought to destroy. There’s always a hurdle to, well, overcome. There’s always me. As long as there’s a me, there will be something I need to overcome.
I’m saying this because many times we attribute our issues to external circumstances when I’d venture to say about 97.5% of the problem is ourselves.
Not one person has the ability to stop my greatness but me.
Isn’t that life? Ups and downs? If you’ve ever been to the hospital or seen someone’s heart being monitored on the machine, the up and down marks represent life.
At the bottom of it all, I’ve learned that overcoming is giving myself the same grace I extend to others – forgiving me. That means giving myself permission to heal – no matter what the process looks like. Some days painful, frustrating, or sad. Some days are joyful and calm. Understanding the process. Knowing it’s okay.
I thought I knew how to receive love. This year has taught me to allow people in past the surface level. I didn’t realize how much I’ve learned to hide and isolate. I am learning, really learning, the value of community. Allowing myself to be loved, confronted, encouraged, and prayed for. I found myself asking why? Why are they being so kind to me? Why do they care?
I forgot my own advice: God will not put you on this earth and not give anyone the heart to love you. Somebody on this earth loves you. It’s up to you to allow them.
Overcoming is the process. Healthy decisions. Failures. Wins. Good days. Bad days. Learning from failures. Learning to love who I am. It’s all overcoming.
The suffix “ing” means action or process.
It looks like this:
I am overcoming.
I will overcome.
A fall doesn’t equate to failure. It also doesn’t mean I have to start over.
Having said that, my affirmation is that my journey is mine. I am learning to forgive myself quickly and continue my journey. This season is not a life sentence, it’s a part of my journey.
My journey is important. I am learning patience with myself in the journey.
I am learning that I am not a bother to others. I am learning that community is still important. I am learning it’s okay to fall sometimes as long as I resolve to continue on my journey. It’s like running into a McDonald’s in every city on a road trip. It doesn’t mean I went backward; I just ran into the same issue.
This year, I expected to have a great year with no setbacks. I found myself in a very low space and, for the first time in a long time, I considered the alternative. However, God is kind. He reminded me that I have a reason to live and this season will pass.
Every time I go through this, I learn something different about myself. I also learn more about the grace of God. He’s so longsuffering. I also learn something about the people He places in my life. I can’t imagine what they feel, and I am slowly learning to trust that I am loved and I am worth the investment of their time and prayers.
A bump in the road doesn’t mean stop, it just means slow down. Think, regroup, pray. But you may still proceed.
I took my first professional photo shoot in about thirty years.
I’ve officially launched a business! Business license and everything! Nicole Sharon, LLC: I am a professional writing coach. I offer these services: proofreading, transcription, and administrative support.
Where to find me?
My links are on this site. Feel free to follow.
On IG and Twitter:
The Life of an Overcomer (blog page)
Nicole Sharon, LLC (business page)
Nicole Sharon (personal page)
Here’s a clip from the movie “War Room.” It sums up my year:
This is a tough time of the year for many. I understand. I can’t wait for January. You don’t have to lean on your own strength or try to fight on your own. God is here to help you. Allow your friends to be your strength. My Pastor said to me: “You have family. You no longer have to fight on your own. When you don’t have the strength, allow them to fight for you.”
I’m telling you the same thing. You are loved. You are worth the investment. I know it doesn’t seem like it, but you are. Feel free to reach out to me. Let me know how you’re doing. Have a great holiday season!
“Trusting God will have you out here winning in a losing season.”
Khas Dock is originally from Newark, NJ and has been in Atlanta for about six years. Although he always wanted to move to Atlanta, he didn’t want to move as soon as he did. However, on a whim, he made the move. Khas says his career is a God thing. He is an author, ghost writer, and business consultant. And though he didn’t mention it, he is also a speaker. Khas says, “I do operations and project management. I’ve planned tours and hosted events, organized conferences, done a lot of consultations from a branding and marketing perspective. These are the things I dabble in as it relates to my purpose and career, passions and all those good things.”
I am excited about what you will learn from this interview. I was not prepared for Khas’s story and the level of healing and confidence he displayed during this interview. Sometimes chuckling at his answers, sometimes taking a few seconds to pause and think, Khas spoke to me as a man who, despite what he’s been through, knows who he is. As I reflect on this interview, I can think of one word: refreshing.
Ladies and Gentlemen, meet Khas Dock:
Me: Tell me about Khas, the man.
Khas: At my core, I am a lover of people. I often refer to myself as a grace agent. The concept behind that is I think a lot of people deal with silent battles and they are wrestling with something internally they don’t ever really speak about. I remember often walking around wishing somebody saw me, that somebody understood. Wishing somebody would say something that would make my world a little bit better. As a result, I’ve taken on the position to be intentional about extending love and making sure when someone is in my presence they feel a glimpse of God; a glimpse of grace.
I am a people person; I am super down to earth. One of my biggest passions in life is to serve and to serve people. At the core of who I am is a servant. I’m a normal guy (I can hear the smile in his voice). I enjoy music, food and I’m adventurous. At almost thirty years old I am coming into myself more than I have at any point in my life. I see things a lot differently. Life is much different to me now. On this journey of self-discovery, I’ve done a lot of inner healing and learning who I am. I am owning it, and am okay with whatever that looks like.
Khas, the Overcomer:
It embodies strength and tenacity. When I think of overcomer, I think of a person who thrives through obstacles. (Wait! Did y’all see this? Thrives! Not just survive, but thrives! Okay, carry on.)
At the age of six years old I was placed in foster care where I remained until I aged out at twenty-one or twenty-two. This has been my biggest hurdle in my twenty-nine years.
Being placed in foster care introduced me to a pain I didn’t have language for or any concept of. At six years old, the only thing that causes pain are minor things like not being able to play a game or go out with your friends. This experience complicated life in a way I didn’t know was humanly possible. It introduced me to identity issues, feelings of abandonment and rejection. I wondered why my parents didn’t want me; why isn’t anyone coming for me? I had emotional trauma I didn’t understand until my teen years and early adulthood.
My life over the past couple of years has been dedicated to sorting through a lot of those layers. Recalling myself at six years old, not understanding, and not having language for what was going on, I had to deal with it. I didn’t get a say in the matter. So, I had to deal with. I had to adjust and learn to be okay with it – which I don’t think I’ve ever become okay with it. It was hard. For a long time, it made me angry.
I realize no one’s life is perfect, but it introduced me to a plight I wasn’t prepared for. As an adult, I can see that, for many different reasons it was necessary. While I was in the thick of it, I couldn’t see it. All I felt was pain, and it was terrible. On the other side of it I can look back and say, I kind of get why it had to go that way.
There’s a sense of ownership for that struggle. I can talk about it proudly and own it because I can see the beauty in it. I couldn’t see it then, because I was so blinded by the hurt and the trauma. I can proudly say I’m glad it happened. Wouldn’t want to live through it again, but I’m glad it happened and I was able to overcome it.
I have friends and people I grew up with who went through the same thing and their life turned out much differently. In all of it, there was a grace that sustained me. For that, I am grateful.
Community and Conversation (sound familiar?)
Khas attributes his success to God first and foremost. He says conversation and community has played a vital role in his process.
Khas: I remember times, especially once I was older, as I transitioned out of my adolescence into my adulthood, I was around people who had their own experiences. There was a commonality. Even though our plights weren’t the same, we had all experienced some type of hardship or trauma. We were able to gather around that commonality and offer strength through conversation. We were able to share with each other and say what we went through, how it made us feel, and how we overcame it.
Although none of our stories were identical, the similarity was that we all struggled and we had different things we had to overcome and journey through. I found out there is a great deal of healing offered through community and being around people who know what it’s like to go through something, you’re given the opportunity to sort through things that have been left underneath the surface for years. Once you begin to bring those things to the surface, you can now deal with it.
Community and conversation won’t heal everything, but it’s a great starting point. It can point you to counseling. It can point you to church. It can point you to wise counsel. Community will also be there for those processes, because once you start counseling you will still need a support group. You will still need somebody who can rally around you. You will still need people that understand. The biggest thing for me has been to find safe spaces which is sometimes found in a group and other times with one person who understands.
While community and conversations have helped me, it’s also been a hindrance because it hasn’t always been something I was open to because I felt like I had my vulnerability snatched from me years ago without me having any say so in the matter. It’s amazing that community and conversation is the thing I would depend on in order to journey through certain experiences.
Me: Tell me about Decoding the Creatives? What do you want people to know after reading it?
Khas:Decoding the Creatives is a book that gives language to people who are creative and for people who want to understand creatives. It’s a term that is widely used and sometimes misused. It is not a lot of definition surrounding it, so this is my attempt to explain it. One day I randomly wrote a Facebook status that was a combination of experiences in my journey as a professional creative and I wanted to put it out there. It got a lot of crazy traction. It seemed simple to me because I was venting. I didn’t realize at the time other people were looking for this type of language. People who are creatives as well as people who are surrounded by creatives. The consensus among them was it helped them to understand the creatives around them whether it be a friend or a child.
This is a book based on my experiences. At the end there is a letter from me to the reader and the message is to trust your dopeness. It’s my way of encouraging people to understand we are all different, even our creative abilities are different. There is something that unlocks when you hone into the uniqueness of who you are.
One of the things I’ve noticed about creatives is even though we’re widely gifted and can do so much, there’s nothing a creative cannot do when we put their mind to it. However, even in our awesomeness, there is this doubt. There is this fear; there is this shrinking back or dumbing ourselves down to magnify others. We will promote others before we promote ourselves. The root of it is this idea that we’re good but not amazing. It’s this tainted concept of how awesome we are. It’s something I’ve had to own myself and I figured it’s something, that if it’s a battle for me, it’s a battle for other people. That is my biggest desire for people to walk away with the knowledge as a creative or understanding one.
I want creatives to get to a place where they can say, “I am really gifted. I own this and I’m going to walk in it.” Khas Dock
Me: I thought you were quiet, but lately, I have seen another side of you. You’re more vocal. Tell me about that?
Khas: For the last two years I feel like I’ve been extremely muzzled. That’s not to say there’s always something to say or a need to say something, but I’ve been extremely laid back and didn’t say much. Some of it was because of work related stuff or stuff I was going through personally. I was also in a space where I felt like I didn’t have anything of value to say, or feel like I was saying something that everyone else was saying – if it’s a common thread or common trend, why would I need to add my input to it? So yeah, I had a muzzle on for about two years straight.
I’ve learned that language can solve a lot of problems in life. Sometimes people are feeling things and they are frustrated because they don’t have language for it. I understand because that was a lot of my frustration. One of the reasons I follow the Friends (The Pastors of All Nations Worship Assembly – Atlanta) is because every time I’m in their space they say something, oftentimes is unintentional, which gives me language for where I am and where I need to be headed. This is my thought, it may be insignificant to you, but nine times out of ten, there is one person who can benefit from it and we have a responsibility to share. It’s not always comfortable for me. I actually hate it, and would rather be quiet and in the background. I am learning to own the responsibility, which is why I’ve been more vocal.
Me: For this, we are thankful. For years, I have been one who has wrestled with my voice. I remember hearing, “Your voice is assigned to somebody.” The crazy thing about the world is, there are billions of people. You may say something and people won’t hear it. I will say the same thing and they will respond as if I’ve solved a great mystery! No, I’m just repeating what he said.
Khas: Exactly, I believe we have assigned audiences.
Me: And your audience is waiting. Khas, your life is blessed. I’m glad to know you. I’m glad to see the transformation in you. Its palpable. It’s beautiful. I am excited to see what happens in your future.
I am embarking on a new project called The Overcomer’s Hall of Fame. The purpose is to highlight people who are pursuing their purpose in the face of tragedy, trauma, and the obstacles that come with life.
Meet K’la Fleming, the Author. K’la recently released her first book titled, WOW: Woman of Worth.
I had an awesome time speaking with K’la. Here is the highlight of our conversation:
Nicole: Tell me about yourself?
K’la: I took a step of faith and moved to Atlanta two years ago from Norfolk, VA. I didn’t initially want to move here but I had a dream that let me know moving was in my best interest. Although it has been a journey, I have embraced my new life as well as experienced tremendous growth. These past few years has taken me on a path to self-acceptance.
I light up a room with my loud personality. I am loving and I love people. I am also spontaneous.
Nicole: What does being an overcomer mean to you?
K’la: In the face of obstacles, it’s the ability to step over, go around or use them as a stepping stone. Keeping the boxing gloves on and polished. Being equipped with the armor of God. Letting go of something that would hinder your progress.
Nicole: The boxing glove is a great analogy for an overcomer. What have you overcome?
K’la: Saying yes to everything, being a people pleaser, low self-esteem and fear. Feeling uncomfortable because I was often accused for being extra. Not knowing at the time people will accuse you of being extra when they’re not comfortable with themselves.
Nicole: How did you overcome these obstacles?
K’la: I had to learn to stop dumbing myself down.
When I’m in a room with other creatives, I have to resist the notion to hide and decide to speak up. I realize I have something of value to add.
I had fear of moving here because I didn’t want to lose friends, having to navigate what’s next and tackling a big city.
Also, my safe space is my room. Learning to have the same confidence in a public setting that I have at home. Being able to notice things I love to do and display confidence without minimizing herself.
When I feel like shrinking back, I remind myself what God says about me by listening to recordings or reading something I’ve written. I choose to face and embrace those feelings and push past it anyway.
I remind myself to embrace who I am. I embrace my laugh which is unique and contagious. I celebrate my personality because it is big. People connect to me because my personality and laugh is contagious. It’s scary at times, but being confident that it’s how it’s supposed to be.
I have to get over assumptions, what I’d think people think about me. As a result of my assuming, I would shut down or remove myself from situations in order to avoid uncomfortable interactions that may happen.
Nicole: Tell me about WOW? What is the message you want your readers to know?
K’la: WOW is inspired by a conversation I had with a friend in April 2018. After the conversation, I began writing from the words that were coming in my head.
The purpose of WOW is to highlight God as father. It’s about transformation from a woman of insecurity to a woman of worth. In my mind I saw a vision of God as father and Him being available and letting me know I am worthy of His time and everything he has to give.
In this life of mental health, we tend to struggle with consistency. Consistency and discipline is so important.
For me, when I’m doing well, I forget that I have meds to take. I forget that I need to get out and get sunlight. I forget that I need to keep making positive declarations. I forget that I should get some form of exercise. I forget that I must continue to engage in things that contribute to me having good mental health.
I am the first to admit, you can be working your plan and still have “moments.” However, there are many times that the problem is that we’re not working our plan.
Even if you have to write a daily routine, stick to your plan. A deviation to your plan will clue you into the idea that something is off. We can be more proactive with our mental health when we have a plan.
Community – tell your plan to your community of friends. Allow them the space to remind you of your plan to help get you back on track. Allow them the opportunity to support you. Sometimes when you’re in the midst of a “moment,” you don’t realize you’re in that moment until it becomes some days and you find it hard to pull out of it.
Having a plan, and a community who knows your plan helps everyone involved to assist you. Also, ask your counselor to help you manage as new things come up. Utilize every resource available to you.
If you work your plan, your plan will work for you.
I’d love to hear from you. What would you like for me to discuss? How are you doing? You can also follow me on my social media pages.
Hello all! I decided today would be a great day to share an excerpt from my book, Texts from an Angel. Enjoy…
Amy was so depressed. She didn’t want to bother her friends. She knew they were busy. However, after being in bed three days, her guardian angel, Hope, was flustered.
“I hate to bust your angelic wings, but what she needs is a little Joy. No pun intended.” Joy quipped.
“Oh dear heaven!” Hope slapped her wings together in frustration. “Here you are again, in my personal business.”
“You don’t have any personal business. This is all God’s business or did you forget? I keep telling you the Joy of the Lord is where strength comes from.”
“And we also know that ‘hope deferred makes the heart sick.’ That’s why I’m here. So go…” While Hope and Joy are arguing, Amy is holding a bottle of pills. She’s sick of it all.
“Ladies! Ladies!” Love steps in. “Stop it. You’re off focus again. Look.” Amy was pouring a glass of water and had several bottles of pills lined up on the counter. Hope and Joy looked at each other. They knew what to do. Before Amy could reach for the first bottle, a strong wind blew through her kitchen and pills and bottles were flying everywhere!
Conveniently, most of the pills flew down the drain. Amy was so stunned with what was going on around her she didn’t hear her doorbell ringing. Her best friend, Keya, was at the door. After ringing the doorbell for several minutes, Keya decided to use her spare key to get in.
Hearing all the commotion, Kenya rushed to the kitchen. “Amy! What’s the matter? I got your text. Why didn’t you tell me you were so depressed? I’m so sorry I haven’t been here.” Amy was still stunned as she looked at her friend.
“You got a text? I turned my phone off three days ago.” Keya showed her a text message that came from her phone. It read, “I love you, sister, but I can’t do this anymore. I’m sorry.”
After a long talk, Keya decided to take Amy home with her until her mother flew into town. Spending time in the nurturing warmth of a mother’s love would help tremendously. She would also seek counseling and formulate a safety plan.
A safety plan is a specific plan you set in place for yourself to ensure your safety whether physical or emotional. The plan usually includes coping mechanism, phone numbers, and maybe personal reminders for you or ways you can distract yourself.
If you are ever feeling like Amy, please contact either of these numbers: National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: Call 1-800-273-8255 Or text: Crisis Text Line: Text RISE to 741741
When I look at this I see tumultuous peace. How did the sky go from being blue to various shades of oranges and red like an angry fire?
Yet, it’s peaceful. It’s saying to me yes, there battle going on behind the scenes. There’s a war being waged. Turmoil. Strife. Confusion.
There’s also victory happening. Peace conquering over turmoil. Harmony happening I’ve strife. Certainty over confusion.
How can this be? How can you have two opposing things going on simultaneously? In the same life?
And yet, like the tower that’s standing, I stand alone. Only I can fight this war within. Only I can stand against the things that stand against me. Yes, there are people and outside forces that encourage, but I must, within myself, make a decision.
I made the decision to stand. Sometimes shaking. Sometimes trembling in fear. Sometimes ready to quit. But there’s a force within me that won’t let me quit. Won’t let me die. Won’t let me give up.
I’m getting back in the swing of things. I’ve been out of commission for a while, but I’m back and I’m focusing. Instead of trying to write everything out, I thought I’d do a video. I hope that something is said to help you on your journey to healing and wholeness.